Old farts

No--You're asleep, but others worry that you re dead.

Usually they're kicking me to stop snoring.

No--You can live without sex, but not without glasses.

Had cataracts and got laser surgery.

No--Your back goes out more than you do.

Strong Back (weak mind)

Y--You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

No--You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

That would be like asking for directions!

Y--You are proud of your lawn mower.

Y--Your best friend is dating someone half their age... And isn t breaking any laws.

No--Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

Before the laser surgery I had trouble in restaurants, the waiter kept picking the menu off the floor.

Y--You sing along with the elevator music.

Y--You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

Y--You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

No--You enjoy hearing about other people s operations.

I wanna talk about mmeeeeee!

Y--You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

Y--You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

Y--People call at 9 pm. And ask, Did I wake you?

No--You have a dream about prunes.

Nah, not yet- sex, and... well, just sex.

Y--You answer a question with Because I said so!

Y--You send money to PBS.

Y--The end of your tie doesn t come anywhere near the top of your pants.

Y--You take a metal detector to the beach.

No--You wear black socks with sandals.

White sox with sandlals and everything else.

Y--You know what the word equity means.

Y--You can t remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

Y--Your ears are hairier than your head.

Y--You talk about good grass and you re referring to someone s lawn.

Y--You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

Y--You got cable for the weather channel.

Y--You can go bowling without drinking.

Y--You have a party and the neighbors don t even realize it