As a service to my single, female friends...

How to install a home security system

1. Go to the Goodwill Store and buy a pair of men's work boots, size 14-16 (well used).

2. Place them on the front porch along with a copy of Gun and Ammo magazine.

3. Put a couple of BIG dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba!
Big Jim, Duke, Slim and Me gone for more ammo. We'll get back in about 1 hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls--they got after the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all the dogs in the house.
Better just wait outside til we get back.
Cooter